I am unhappy, I am soo unhappy but I can’t do it again. I can’t loose you once again, I can’t do what I did last summer. I don’t what I will do without you, I have no idea. I don’t have anyone. I will loose my fucking mind, I mean literally.
I’m shaking right now, I feel like my lungs might just collapse. I love you, I love you so much but look at us, we are both so unhappy. I just us to be happy & to be in love & to be like we were when we were first got back together. I am having such a hard time typing right now, I just want to scream & cry, I feel this heartbreak all over again, I love you with all my heart. I want to marry you, I want to grow old with you. I don’t want it to be like this again, I don’t want to loose you again. I can’t do it, I can’t fucking do it!
So here we are, here we are again, we can either work our fucking asses off, I mean REALLY work or we can walk away completely & just leave it at that, not talk ever again, not try again, keep out of contact with each other. But how do I do that? I mean, you’re my best friend, you know everything about me. You have been there threw so much, you know me better than anyone else, you know my family, you get along with them (which is really hard) you deal with me, you deal with all my bullshit, you’ve seen the good & the bad, I’ve seen the good & bad. I fucking hate the bad, I hate it. I feel like we’re meant for each other but at the same time, I feel like this was just a little something for us for the next relationship we’ll get ourselves into with other people.
I have never felt like this about anyone & I sure as hell wouldn’t go threw the shit we’ve gone threw with anyone else. I’d have left a long time ago, so maybe this is worth it. Maybe we are meant to be together. Maybe a few months down the road we can be happy again. But I don’t see it. I feel like it’s a little too late for that.
God fuck this, I just want to scream so loud & run so far away from all of this, my little heart can’t take this much pain again.